Yesterday Mark asked me if I could just go one day without complaining. The answer is simply, "No." This pregnancy has been the easiest health wise, but as the weeks are winding down, I'm definitely loosing steam. And my perspective has CERTAINLY changed.
Week 8, doctor's appointment to verify pregnancy:
Show up to appointment 10 minutes early. Bounce out of the car with pep in my step excitement. Elevator? Who needs the elevator? This is going to be my healthiest pregnancy yet! I'm going to take the 3 flights of stairs. And then when I'm done, I'm going to get a salad. Light ranch, on the side please. Damn, I'm that good.
Wait a while for the doctor to see me. No problem, I'll catch up on these gossip magazines. I'm just so happy!
The weigh in...well, I've gained **cough cough** a few **cough cough** lbs so far. No big deal. Still fitting into my regular pants. Yay! So healthy! Pre-nantal vitamin WHAT!
Schedule my next appointment. Smile, wait patiently and make small chat with receptionist. See you in a month!!
Week 35 and 3 days (who's counting, right?):
Show up to appointment about 10 minutes early. I wonder if I can catch a cat nap in the car? But what if I actually fall asleep and miss my appointment? Grunt. Get out of car. I have to pee anyway.
Waddle to door and notice that my shoe is untied. Dear God, do I bend over and tie it OUTSIDE WHERE EVERYONE CAN SEE ME? So many unexpected things could happen should I bend over to tie my shoe right here. No, I'll tie it inside when I sit down. I won't trip because HAHAHA take the stairs? Are you **bleeping** kidding me! Three flights of stairs will surely put me in labor. So hungry. Need a hamburger.
Wait for a while for the doctor to see me. Shoot red laser beams out my eye balls at the receptionist and nurse. Stupid magazines. SHAPE magazine says I can get my abs back after baby! Yes! I'll plank with the baby on my back and make a PB and J's for my other kids by rotating my arms!
I WEIGH HOW MUCH??!! This can only be remedied with ice cream. STAT. Screw you SHAPE magazine.
Schedule my next appointment for a week from now. Run into the counter with my gigantic stomach. Yes, receptionist, I do look like I might tip over. Thank you for noticing!
I'm not REALLY complaining, I try to find a little humor in everything. AND I get to deliver early! Less than 4 weeks to go!
